Trust is a funny thing. I would be the first to say that I have some sensitivities when it comes to trusting. In general, I trust others immediately and easily. I am cautious when I need to be, but generally, I believe folks often act in the pattern that is expected of them - so I presume the best a person has to offer. I have come to do much the same thing with the Universe.
I put my faith in the fact that there is sense behind each and every thing that occurs. That even suffering and disappointment hold positive lessons. The more I come to trust in this belief, the more it proves true. Perhaps a self-fulfilling prophsey... but if it works, why knock it?
Other would say I have great luck. I disagree. Instead, I would say that I just try to maintain an awareness of what feels comfortable deep within me and move towards that. This is not to say I flee from painful experiences but work to embrace whatever comes on the path for all that it is and can be. But when you feel that your being drawn out in a certain direction, why fight it? If you allow you ego, your firm and decided mind to block your true path, you will feel the misalignment. There will be an unease with your life on a fundimental level. Or so I think (and have felt).
There are times when I find myself in a void of indecision. Not sensing where I am going next and this often puts me ill at ease in my own skin. But in the end I know these times are meant to reflect on my progress and my past, until I am called to my next journey. I am blessed with my practice, walking a path without stones, finding meaning in every occassion and joy in every trial.
Now for a less philosophical update.
I have been accepted to and will be starting a academic program in Visual Web Design this Thursday.
This has been a long and arduous process, full of backpedaling and disappointment. But I trusted that this was the direction I needed to pursue and in the end everything has prevailed... perfectly.
I just reviewed my financial package, which not only covers the cost of the part-time 2 year program in full, it also has a left over stipend of nearly $2000.00. Just enough to buy that new computer I'll be needing. Now to find my text books.
I am once again pursuing my photography.
I was gifted with an amazing deal on a new-to-me Canon Rebel SLR to jump start my photography once more. In addition, my recent work has attracted the attention of a internationally renown journalist who often needs a local freelance photographer. Also, Starbucks is allowing me to display and sell my photography in their gallery. (If you have any old picture frames you don't want, please let me know.)
I'm finally achieving the level of fitness I have always sought.
At this moment, I am in the best shape I have ever been in my life. And I love it. Its been arduous - the shift to full vegan-ism in America, going to the gym, running, yoga... but it is all worth it to feel comfortable in my own skin. I can hope this continues and I can maintain the active lifestyle I have come to appreciate.
I live where and how I want.
My room is lovely and affordable. I'm painting soon and then a few finishing touches and I will be content with its appearance. My rent is very reasonable and the location is great. I'm somewhere between Lechmere, Harvard and Porter. Once I get a bicycle, I think getting about will be a lot more enjoyable. Driving is such a costly and wasteful process. Not to mention time-consuming in the city. Perhaps once I get my DVD drive fixed in my computer (and possibly that large desktop display I'm hoping for) folks might want to come and watch movies or something.
Financial survival has been achieved.
Though I may not adore working a Starbucks, it has ensured my financial stability, while my job at the bar has ensured my financial wellbeing. I am currently putting out feelers for a more regular 9-5 HTML code monkey or the like kind of job. Something over $12.00/hr where I can polish some of my skills and also rack up some hours in a paid position having to deal with the web... possibly in a graphic way. This is no rush obviously... just a blip on the mental radar.
Overall...
I am content and pleased that I have established the life I wanted and dreamed about while I was in Fiji. I feel as though everything is just as it needs to be but I am still moving forward and progressing. Someone joked recently and called it (Momentum + Contentment=) 'Contentum.' I like that.
