How could I have forgotten that a large crowd of people can often have me on the verge of a panic attack? I guess I have been successful in my unconscious endeavor to avoid such scenarios. Well, not today.
Today, we celebrated Prophet Muhammed's birthday at the senior centre. It was packed with over 80 Muslim women, from toddlers to grannies. It really isnt that large a space.
So I began relying on unconscious coping mechanisms
#1 - I hide behind the lens of my camera trying to filter myself out of the equation.
#2 - I work myself into a corner next to a window and look outside frequently
# 3 - I am not comfortable sitting down when surrounded by people and when I do talk, I ramble almost incoherently.
# 4 - I go outside and watch the grass cutters and meditate... until folks start talking to me. (I'm seated they have surrounded me in a standing circle)
Finally, I realize whats going on (I'm having an anxiety attack) and I tell my co-worker Dorothy. I explain that I am not very comfortable and that I still have alot of work to do. Can I go do it at home instead?
I escape.
Now, I am in the safety of my room with some Zen flute music and the ability to meditate. I still don't know why I get so over whelmed and anxious about such a small thing as too many folks. I get over stimulated and cannot handle it. Does that make any sense? There were too many people talking, eating, grabbing food, giving orders, complaining, whining... I just couldn't take it all in.
No wonder I stopped shopping in the market on Saturdays. I really should have picked up on his issue before now.
